*pokes head in the door*
Hello?
Since I decided to retire the WIPpet Wednesday blog hop this week, I was looking for something similar where writers share excerpts from their WIPs. Weekend Writing Warriors seemed to fit the bill. I’m 14 hours ahead of EST but I’m fairly confident I’ve got the timing right.
For WeWriWa, writers share 8-10 sentences from their WIP for from a current writing project, published or unpublished. Then we visit other participants and offer opinions, critiques, support.
Lately, I’ve been sharing from my current Christmas WIP, Operation: Sugarplum. I thought I’d continue in that vein. This story is a modern-day retelling of The Nutcracker, with virtual reality games taking the place of physical toys. It’s in revisions at the moment, and will be included in an upcoming Australian Christmas anthology called Christmas Australis. Watch this space for more info on that!
You can see the excerpts I’ve shared recently via the WIPpet Wednesday tag.
This scene is early on in the story. Clara has wrangled an invitation to the Drosselmeier Industries Christmas party to meet developer, Max Drosselmeier.
“Through that way, Ms Steele,” [the security guard] said, pointing to a large set of double doors. Behind it, Clara could hear music and chatter. She pushed open the door and entered a dim room. There were musicians on a stage up the far end, but the music was intended clearly for atmosphere. There was no dance floor and the players kept the volume low.
There were Christmas trees dotted along the walls, with sparkly baubles and loads of tinsel. Sprigs of mistletoe dotted the corners of the room and formed the centrepieces on the tables. The tables were tall and had no seats, but empty glasses were already being left on some of them as guests went to mingle elsewhere.
Since description is generally not my strong point, I invite any all comments you may have. Looking forward to meeting you on your own blogs!
Emily Wrayburn 
Ooooh, I love the idea of the VR. Can’t wait to find out what’s in store for Clara. Welcome, Emily!
LikeLiked by 1 person
Thank you so much! 🙂
LikeLike
I love the idea for your story — partly because I’ve penned a soon-to-be-released tale about the first performance of the Nutcracker for and by aliens. Effing Feline (the cat who writes my blog) going to start selecting excerpt from it next weekend. Hope to see you then.
LikeLiked by 1 person
Oh, I am so there! That sounds wonderful!
LikeLiked by 1 person
Mistletoe makes it sound romantic.
LikeLike
I think the description is great(it’s not my strong suit, either). Nice to see you here!
LikeLiked by 1 person
Thanks! I think I’ll stick around. 🙂
LikeLike
Happy to have you aboard, Emily. Interesting concept for your story. My g’daughter dances in The Nutcracker at Christmas time. I love the idea of VR replacing toys.
I hate writing descriptions. One thing my editor told me was to get rid of “There was” or “There were”. Empty words. Try for more active verbs to complete the descriptions. I’m not always successful, though. Good luck. Hope you return next week. I’d like to read more.
LikeLiked by 1 person
I love the ballet. It was while listening to it on repeat that I initially had the idea for this story.
Ooh, that is good advice. I can take “There were” out and just say “Musicians played on a stage up the back”. That already sounds stronger. I do actually have “was” on my list of words to try to delete or replace, but I just realised I don’t have “were” along with it!
I will definitely be back next week! 🙂
LikeLike
Welcome to the Weekend Warriors! I’m fascinated by the concept and the VR aspects of your plot – it’ll be fun to read. Enjoyed the excerpt and thought the description gave me a good picture of the setting.
LikeLiked by 1 person
Thank you! I’m glad to be here, and glad the description worked how it should.
LikeLike